For these days during the last few weeks in UTAR, I have been receiving heartwarming invitations for a farewell meal from people of different friend circles, departments…These are people who I have worked with for different job tasks, committees…or people whom I have random chats with once in a long while while bumping into them along the corridors.
My wallet remains full and “well-rested” as my colleagues have been taking turns in spending quite lavishly on my farewell meals. Some even come with desserts, not to mention the gifts and cards of appreciation.
I feel so loved. These doses of love come very unexpectedly but have caught me in wonderful episodes of surprise and comfort.
For all these years, I have been working so busily and minding only my own business most of the time. And, I guess that’s why I was quite disconnected from people here, except the habitual more-than-once-a-week meet-ups with a few closer colleagues. Additionally, I am pretty shy.
For times, I was thinking that I wasn’t good enough in terms of this and that. Maybe…for this job task…English Camp…English Language Society…this teaching task…I could have done it better. I always felt inadequate and for most of the times, failed to clearly take note and appreciate the very little personal growth and gradual improvements that have taken place along the process leading to their completion.
Now, I am showered with so many appreciative words. Hearing these words have boosted up my self-esteem. I’m glad that my colleagues have seen me in an image that is quite similar to the one I have always wanted to project to the world. Though I am not yet there to be the ideal version, I feel comforted that I am transforming step by step to be who I have aspired to be. Sometimes, we really need some feedback. We need to have good, quality conversations to listen to what people feel about us. I was just kind of too engrossed in my self-critical thoughts. If I would have talked to people honestly about what I think and feel, the world could be a better place. I remind myself that if I have lost sight of my real life value, I should always look around to learn from others. This will save me from the needless attempts of self-harming.