My dad passed away on 15 April. He was taken away by bone marrow cancer. I do not know whether God has created cancerous cells, but I know that the cancerous cells had caused him to have leukemia which then led him to have severe, deadly pneumonia.
My family and I are saddened by his demise. We are staying close during this grieving process. More phone calls and trips made to go home. For example, my elder brother and I only communicated during face-to-face meetings but now, I receive a few calls from him on a daily basis.
Millions of thanks to my younger brother, Kai. He is steadfast in taking over my father’s role. He has been great comfort to my mum and all our family members. My younger brother is continuing my late dad’s business, together with my mum. He is in the hometown to accompany my mum. They used to have empty nest syndrome when all of us, the siblings were working away from home in other cities. My younger brother is thoughtful enough to let go of the golden opportunities to explore the working life after his graduation and stay with my mum, instead.
(I would also like to take this opportunity to thank all our relatives who have been supportive and helpful all this while since the time when my late dad was very sick. )
My late dad is irreplaceable as he is our very precious family member. He has a significant role in our family. Without his existence, we would not be who we are today. Losing such a significant family member is heart-aching. We have cried but also decided to stay closer to give strength to each other during this hard period.
Though clumsily, my younger brother has learned how to maintain the good condition of the air-conditioners at home by using the air-conditioner cleanser which used to be my late dad’s wonderful stuff in his house kit.
Nowadays, my younger brother and I sleep together with my mum in the same bedroom. “No more daddy” is what my mum always says. I always answer by saying that our dad’s suffering ended finally. Life is suffering and I believe he is now in a better place with God’s grace. This is what I always tell myself to grieve over his death. His time has come to the end and this is God’s plan. We cannot stop God from taking him back. However, our late daddy is protecting us with his new power. I feel as if he is watching over us from a perch in the heavenly blue sky. His love for us is eternal though his body is mortal. I have faith in the electromagnetic wave emissions sourced from eternal love. Someday, we will meet again, maybe in another kind of consciousness.
Dad was always the juice-maker. We love the mixed fruit juice he made. Now, I am learning how to make mixed fruit juice for my family. It requires skills like peeling the fruit skin, cutting the fruits into the right sizes, etc. However, I still need more practice on how to use the blender. When I use the half-dead blender, it easily halts its blending action due to the clog caused by improper input of fruit slices. Mum is an expert on this.
During the past reunion dinner of Chinese New Year, my dad was hospitalized. My mum was certainly unable to cook for us as she was busy taking care of my dad. I certainly do not have culinary expertise like my mum, so we ended up cooking instant noodles as most restaurants were closed during CNY eve. Suddenly, it has dawned on me that it is time that I should learn my mum’s cooking skills. She has so many amazing recipes for traditional Chinese culinary delights in her head. I should learn all these so that I can cook for my loved ones when my mum is too preoccupied or tired to cook.
My mum was burnt out due to so many nights when she stayed awake to take care of my dad. She had decided to take care of my dad herself, instead of hiring a nurse. I think she wanted to stay with my dad through the difficult period. Now, she is learning to cope with my father’s absence by valuing other good things in her life. For example, she plan to start his daily jogging routine with my younger brother as well as spend time for a short stay with my elder brother’s family in KL or me in Kampar from time to time.
Our Dad will always be missed. We can never erase the memories with him but he will be always alive in our heart. The family bond is unbreakable. His demise is a loss but his life span on the earth is always a blessing to us, be it in the past, present or future. Though his voices are no longer here to be heard, I believe that our memories about him will always be our inspiration in whatever we are doing. He is our role model. Mum always reminds me to talk to my father in my prayer about my difficulties. (I have recently signed up for e-counselling service as it is needed the most.) His spirit is long-lived:)