Is happiness to be chased?

Is happiness to be chased? Well, maybe not. Why?

  1. Sometimes, we set our goals, thinking that we can have happiness once we achieve our goals. However, this mindset can be detrimental to our happiness. Goals are good but they should be realistic. Unrealistic goals are not just too hard to attain but also demoralizing. Therefore, set a goal which is challenging enough for you to learn and grow, but not to the extent of draining your energy and soul. If not, you will end up feeling guilty even though you have in fact done a good job. Be flexible with your goal setting. Feel free to modify your goal during the way if there’s a need.

  2. Seeing your friends/colleagues with their own in-group while you are trying hard to fit in their group?  Well, maybe you should stop doing that. Being an introvert and forcing yourself to be an extrovert among them? Well, there isn’t a need. Just be yourself. It is possible to act like an extrovert in front of hundreds of students when you are a teacher in a class. However, if you keep acting like an extrovert in front of people, you will feel lost and miserable. I am an introvert and I have tried this. In the end, I have gained nothing but shallow friendship. It is important to be your true self in front of people. That’s how you will feel belonged after some time when your friendship has blossomed. If not, you will only feel drained acting all the time in front of them. Let them love you for who you are. If they leave you once you start to be yourself, they are not meant to be in your life. No matter how much you admire certain values they have, they can only be your role model in certain aspects of your life, but not your soulmate for everything in your life. People have greatness but still we have differences. Authenticity is the foundation of friendship.

  3. Do not feel bad about the friendship which you wish to grow but it has proved to be futile. Stop watering a dead flower. Stop sending him/her messages if he/she has ignored your message once. Stop knocking on her/his door to say hi. Respect your own boundary and limit your kindness to people who know how to appreciate. You cannot change a person but you can change your direction so that you can channel your water to an lively flower. Stop hurting yourself unnecessarily.

  4. Know your boundary and limits. Choose your own friend circle. If you feel intimidated and ridiculed around certain people, even directly, it’s definitely alright to keep a distance even it means you being alone. Friends should lift you up and make you feel loved, appreciated and valued. Friendship should be your energy charger, not energy drainer. When one of you meets a difficulty, both of you should hold hands and promise one another not to let go the hand till the storm has subsided. That’s how friendship grows. That’s how you grow together. That’s how both of you enjoy exploring life together, creating successes through different projects, be it an informal one. Just spend time with people who are good for your mental health.

  5. Appreciate the sincere friends you already have, instead of going after new but impossible friendship. A few is just enough. Always assure your friends how much you care about them. When they want to show their love to you, don’t reject by saying that you want to save their troubles. You need to learn how to accept their love and rejoice in it. Friendship is a two-way relationship. Accept love and give love. Make time to meet up routinely, no matter how busy you are. Choose the right people to spend time with. Life is too short for unproductive friendship.

  6. Do not numb your negative feelings just to feel happiness. When you turn off the button for negativity, you have also turned off the button for positivity. I have learned to embrace negative feelings and mourn for losses just to feel more like a human. When you let your sadness flows till it overwhelms you, you will also feel better after that. You shouldn’t ignore the presence of negativity, but instead you should find a channel to let it go so that you can make space for positivity. Once your heart is clear of burdening feelings, you will feel a sense of calmness and tranquility to allow the flow of happiness and creativity. If not, you will be walking with your dead soul who is trying to keep all your feelings dormant at all times. For support during your negativity, find a reliable listening ear. Have faith that there are people who will be rooting for you.

    p.s.: I self-harmed again. And, I need long-sleeved shirts to cover my wounds for the coming weeks. This time, deeper cuts. Do not learn my wrong way of channeling negativities. Do not harm yourself, speak to your supportive friend. Once negativity is shared, it is halved.

  7. No matter how busy you are, be it for your career or housekeeping, never sacrifice your self-time. It’s alright to stop whatever you are doing for a while and turn to do your favourite thing or spend time on your favourite hobby. I feel better after making some paper roses. Taking a rest and recharging will certainly help in a long way. The sense of achievement from doing something small is not to be trivialized. It does build up your self-esteem in order for you to take up bigger challenges. If not, you will be stuck in cycles of negativity.

3 thoughts on “Is happiness to be chased?

  1. Hi Ooi! Great post and I really like your blog. Thanks for visiting mine. This post is very informative and inspirational. It’s relatable and for those looking for acceptance and happiness outside of within, will have a better understanding of this post. I look forward to reading more!

    Liked by 1 person

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