Now, I am a bit moody. Still in the office but can’t really focus on reading my research materials shared by my loving supervisor, Dr. Sridevi. That’s why I am writing here.
Last weekend, I attended my best friend’s wedding. It was a beautiful and touching wedding. I almost teared up during her wedding. Their fairy tale was shared during the wedding dinner. It’s about how the man can be so selfless and protective while the woman can be so appreciative and wise to recognise the man’s good qualities. I remember that during our university’s years…at first, the woman had no feeling towards the man…but felt moved and accepted his as her boyfriend. And also their long distance relationship after starting to work. No matter how busy they have been….the woman was doing her Masters study and working in UTAR Kampar. The man was working for God in KL. Yet, both of them work hard to care for their relationship and now they are husband and wife in front of God.
Seeing their love story enlightens me about the definition of true love. If a man loves you truly, he will try his best to see you, have a meaningful talk with you, spend time with you, support you, help you, guide you, listen to you, laugh with you, cry with you, hold you……no matter what is the situation and what are the challenges. This couple let me have a glimpse of what true love is like.
I had an unsuccessful relationship which lasted for two weeks though I had put so much of my soul into it. Only to realise that it’s not true love….Now, I am almost going to make the same mistake and put my whole soul into a person who is not my true love.
I should love myself. Though I am very moody….I have low self-esteem…not confident….negative….weak….I act irrationally……I know all these qualities are not me….I am only defined by my values. I should look beyond my mood and thought, in order to make my choices to act based on my values which define my true self.
His reaction towards me and his treatment…..don’t define me.
I am reading a book about how to have a reactive mind and not a responsive mind. A responsive mind changes according to the stimuli in our environment. However, a reactive mind is independent and stable….only to react from the bottom of our heart, so called our values.
The things like mood and thought are impermanent. My values are permanent. I know I will move on and feel like a new person soon.