The day I have decided not to feel sad

Yeah, happiness or sadness…

It all depends on our decision

Today, I have decided not to feel sad

Recently, I am not very happy

My IBS attacks again

It was getting well for quite some time

but recently, it comes back

I spend more time in the washroom because of this

It is a signal

Whenever I am not happy, IBS will visit me

And, I am sleep-deprived for some nights

coffee/tea-addicted to keep me awake

and ends up sleeping very early when I am so exhausted after work

The nights when I slept well…I took double dosages of antipsychotics

I know I shouldn’t but I was so exhausted and yet I couldn’t sleep so I…

Sometimes, I eat a lot…sometimes, I don’t eat

I don’t really know what has brought me this

Maybe I know, I am not sure

But, I know..I need to…and I have decided to be happy

Though I am sad…the positive part of me appears sometimes

The positive part tells me…I must finished four chapters by the mid of November

I must get my paper done within these two days

I must graduate the latest next year February

I must send in my essay for the competition by November

I must be well prepared for both the presentations

All the deadlines are from this month to November

It means after this November, I will be freer

I must survive these three months

and achieved the set targets for these three months

It will be tough

but if I hold on…I will be celebrating in the end of November

I am glad that at this stage, I am making good progress

Though feeling sad, I have read almost 30 journal articles

Now, I have clearer ideas and more confidence in writing

Everything is still according to the plan

I should hold on and not jeopardize the plan

I know there’s a matter on my mind

I guess it is pulling me down

but the matter has no deadline

I guess I can put it on hold and turn to it at the end of November

I need a rest/break from the matter and turn my focus to work and study

What will be will be

I know God loves me

God is kind, gentle, loving, truthful, dependable, mighty, miraculous, joyful, helpful…

God will take care of all things

I shouldn’t try to control the wheel of God

It should be handled by God

I will just work on my part

The rest…I rest it on God’s hand

Everything will be fine towards the end of November

I am not working alone

God is with me

I will survive

Just put some things aside

Maybe we need a break

to clear our mind

In December, when we are back to this matter

I guess things will be clearer

I have just 24 hours per day

It is just enough for my work and study till November

We need a break

If I continue to work on this matter, it won’t work

Just leave it aside

let it be what it will be

It will grow or disappear on its own

the present sadness will go

as how the previous sadness did

Thank you, my blog for being my best listener

I feel better now

lighter, hopeful

I feel grateful about the fact that love has no deadline

Love shall wait

Love is patience

Love is immortal

I am celebrating the fact

Love will take care of everything

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