Release my baggages

I am reading a book by Robin Sharma. Here is a daily journal to keep track of my reading.

I realise that my life has been repeating with the same scenes, same people, same problems, same causes of sadness, same causes of anger…

Robin said this phenomena are due to unlearnt lessons. I can only stop this distressing repetition by picking up my needed lessons.

I have been struggling mentally in romance by being the third person to step in an existing relationship. It maybe due to my lack of respect towards people’s relationship. Is it because my respect was grabbed away during my childhood sex abuse n the robbery? Respect seems to be unneccessary. Now…I know I should give respect.

I am always asked to give help to people who never try their best to perform their responsibility. My teacher who asked me to teach all the students how to do the Math question I managed to answer stressed me a lot. So many students came to me for help that I was up to my neck. However, the teacher’s praise convinced me to teach all of them. I should know that those are not my responsibility. Those are due to the teacher’s laziness.

I am afraid to be alone. I am negative being alone. Is it due to the fact that my kindergarten friends neglected me during recess time? Nobody cared about me. I just did’t know what to do. No one to play with me. I sat there waiting and thinking. My teacher gave me biscuits to cheer me up. Now…I should know that I have love in my life n I am not alone…I shouldn’t sit and wait. I should go out n find more company.

I have difficulty expressing my feeling. I was bitten by bees in my kindergarten. I cried n cried in pain. Teacher scolded me for crying in a disturbing way. I sat on the school chair and waited for mum to come n comfort me. The teacher threatened to lock me up in the school if I still didn’t walk out of the school and head to my mum’s car. That day, my mum fed me fried rice. Since then,I hate fried rice. Now I realise I should be authentic with my feeling especially sad feeling when being with my loved ones.

I think there are more baggages but I have realised some today.

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