Sleepless nap

I miss you so much
Here is going to become the place I vent my you-related feelings

I have a wavering desire to contact you
As soon as I feel the urge to contact you
I blame myself, “how can you be so stupid? You want to be a tool to discard loneliness again?”
In the end, I don’t contact you

I feel like posting something in Wechat and Instagram
The online platforms where you can see the stuff I post online
maybe coveting for a like or feedback
thinking of acting pity in the online platforms to gain your attention
Hoping that you will worry about me
worry means care
but I know I am stupid to think in this way
stop the thinking
wake up
The Love is fake
or the Love has passed

I tell myself
In this world, it is not that somebody must stay with somebody forever
it is not that somebody will die in the absence of somebody
it is not that I can’t succeed if somebody is not with me
it is not that I am going to be unhappy throughout my life in your absence

I can be the best version by myself
I am independent
I have what I need
I am okay to move on

Singapore? The next station?
No no…no more excuses please
face it
admit that you want to go there because of him!
coz he said that is his next station
alright, you are right
Singapore? No! No!
No more chasing for something from him
The more you chase, the more you lose and get hurt

Listen to yourself
Do you really want to go there?
No, I don’t
I would rather stay in Penang

When the thought of him rises
let it rise
don’t suppress
don’t ignore
and most importantly,
don’t do something about it
let it go away itself
one day, it will realize that it doesn’t belong here

Alright, no more posting on Instagram and Wechat
Time to hide myself for healing
away from him
away from the online platforms that are filled with self-centredness
everyone is posting about their food, job, gatherings, gifts, experience…
all about theirselves
everybody talk about themselves
the communication breaks down
stop depending on social networking site for love and friendship
go out more
meet people face-to-face
talk in person
that’s what counts

I am lonely
super lonely
but I know I need to get used to being alone
happy being alone
instead of depending on others to clear my loneliness
Stop considering someone because of loneliness
Stop giving empty promises because of loneliness
I don’t want to repeat your major mistake
that has torn my heart into pieces
and left me in endless nightmare
left me stranded in a tight corner
I have felt the pain

That was not our relationship
but a cheat game you started
forget…let go…give up
to grip on something harder
something that makes me grow
instead of depressed

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