maybe try the Law of Attraction?

I am cracking up
and being very unproductive

I am wandering between sleeplessness and oversleep
between starving and overeating
My weight is going down and up
My pimples are making their way to my face
No much homework done
I am neglecting my fitness plan

But I really love to sleep now
Coz that’s the only time my brain and heart are not working too hard
The bad thing is that the issue sometimes pops up in my dreams during sleep

I feel frightened seeing my time wasted hour by hour, day by day…
I know I need to make a change
I realize the issue has been part of my ego
I can’t change my ego overnight

I miss the days when I was so positive
when I lived my life productively and joyfully
I woke up early, exercised, ate healthily and focused on my homework…
with the happy fact being the motivator

Now, I feel so demotivated with the sad fact
I have tried my best to find a new motivation
but it seems I can’t do it
I can find a number but none works

I am thinking to lie to myself that the happy fact is still valid
I am thinking to try to imagine a life with the happy fact
to the extent of living out the happy fact
yes, I am going to live as if the happy fact is still here
though deep down, I know it is not
I am doing this acting without impinging on people’s life

Maybe in this way, I will feel better
More motivated
and one day, when all my sad cells get replaced my happy cells
No more lying to myself is needed
Coz now I just can’t find a fact to make me happy from the inside out

I feel tired
when I can’t cry in front of people
when I need to force out a smile

Maybe I will just try this method
almost like the Law of Attraction
by imagining that I am with my beloved all the times
regardless who he is
but I am with someone
all this while into the future
I am very certain that someone is not you
but there is this someone

Deep down, I know he is not the right one
After some time, I come to know him as heartless and cruel
yes, these should be the labels for him
I should realize this

My parents have been warning me about this
but I never listened
now I have learned my lesson

but everything seems to be in good timing
everything including my decisions have happened at the right time
everything is meant to be like this
even I can wind back the time
I will still let everything turn out in this way
it is all meant to be like this for me to grow
yes, no matter how, I need to get through all this to grow
Pain is the best teacher

Everything is well planned by the God
I am so blessed
I never regret
I am well taken care by the God
Everything is so well-designed
with the people and events that happened between us
you are a good addition by the God
for me to be better
for me to understand myself better

If given one more chance to go back in time,
I will still make the same decision
in order to be who I am today

You are a passing guest
the person to bring me a painful lesson
for me to get out of the trap I set for myself

I know you are not the person I should love from now onwards
but you have given me a clearer view of how my future he looks and acts like
now I can imagine better
I feel the future he more strongly
I can use the image of the future he to motivate myself
to live better
to shine brighter

If it can make me feel better,
I still prefer coffee without milk and sugar
mushroom spagetti with just mushroom and carrot
lip conditioner from BodyShop

It is okay to have your shadow in my life
as long as my life is going on in a good manner
in a productive and happy manner

It seems I am still waiting
but at least I am producing good results and loving people in my life
while waiting
Instead of just crying while waiting

A different form of waiting and living
Follow my heart
Live out my dream life
as if everything is in my control
without causing bad effect on this world and myself
I just need to learn the skill to adjust
and get the balance between my wish and the way this world works

One day, when I read back this post,
I will be celebrating that I have got through the pain
all lessons will be kept and jotted down here
Friends, if you have been reading, thanks for your company.

Oh gosh…I think I have got a sore throat
after having so many rubbish food
tomorrow I shall live out my dream life
tomorrow I am meeting a sweet girl
looking forward
friendship is sweet
Friday…another gathering of friendship
I am looking forward
I love this life

My transformation may be slow
but thanks for waiting for me
thanks for giving me time

Haha…I don’t really know what I am writing here
I just pour out everything
Hope it makes sense to you
Thanks for listening.

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