Kill the illusion

Such an easy summary
yet I took so long to get it done
My brain wasn’t working
Too preoccupied with the sadness
but I am glad that I finally have done the summary and the questionnaire
I feel satisfied

I wish I can complete all my work during this mid semester break.
The break is long. The work is not too much.
I am anticipating my holiday. I hope to meet up some people in Alor Star.
Family. Friend. Study. Self.

I guess I feel better when I count the number of stars in my sky, instead of competing with others in terms of the number of stars in their skies. I am no longer complaining about the lack of certain kinds of stars in my sky.

With this change, I feel secure and calm. I feel a sense of slight joy. That is comforting and I hope I can move on in this direction. Before that, I seldom lived my life in this way. I guess that’s the good thing about a depressing moment. It forces us to be strong and makes us automatically positive-minded.

That’s the rule of survival. A living organism will change in whatever way to gain survival in this world unless the living organism wants to end its life. It is the course of nature and it is what makes me transform.

I suddenly realize that I am not that pitiful. I am not that incapable. I am not that ugly. I have amazing family members. I have lots of good friends who can develop a closer tie with me.

I just need to free myself from my own trap of perception and comfort zone. Step out and ask for things I want in this world. The universe will respond with all I need. Just ask those friends out for a gathering. Tell your real reasons when rejecting to go to the church. (I am happy to be a Buddhist.)

I can have my way. I can believe things in my way. I am confident that my way will work out great.

My future is bright. I am blessed that I am young and throughout these years, I have achieved a lot. I have learnt a lot. I am a better person now. I am happy. I am secure. Security is not from the external world as the world is so uncertain. Security should come from within.

It is not about how things look like. It is about how we much we believe in the potential goodness of the world and what we can make out of it.

Though sometimes I still have illusion related to those bad things to cover up the bad sides and believe falsely to make me feel better, I start to look at the bright side of the world now and also good sides of the world I have never discovered. I should know those are illusions. Stop acting based on the illusion and start living realistically.

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