It is like I am a small fish. I meet an enormous, fierce fish. The big fish bites me. It is so painful. I am bleeding and trying to get away. However, the big fish bites again, again and again. I struggle with all my strength to break free but proved to be futile. So weak and vulnerable.It is the greatest pain I have never felt with each of the bites. It keeps biting and biting. I just cannot get away because it is too strong. I know I don’t want to let it bite me but I just can’t do anything to get free. I feel the pain of each bite so deeply when the teeth penetrate my skin and organs. It almost bites away my whole self. The pain never stops. It just goes on. It is like an inescapable trap. I have tried my best yet I fail. It is fated.
Then, a light comes in. It scares away the big fish. However, I am left wounded. Day by day, I feel the pain of the bleeding wound. It never heals. I am living with the pain. I am kind of of getting used to it. No more wincing in pain like last time but I still feel the pain once in a while. I am trying to live normally and happily with other fishes in the sea. No more big fish but I remember its face. It is so near.
I have been selected by a UTAR psychology research assistant to be one of the participants in a study led by a lecturer. It is related to depression and its way to recovery. I am schizophrenic, yet chosen for the study as schizophrenia includes depression as one of its symptoms. Hope my response to the study can help other mentally ill friends.
In the next phone interview, I am asked to describe more on my feeling. He asks me to use some linguistic devices to make it more understandable. Therefore, I am going to try to do it here for preparation of the coming up interview.
Done! Okay, I am ready for the next one. Thanks to XXX. You make me understand myself better to spit all out.