Today, it is quite a mess. I ate one big packet of junk food, one ice-cream, one plate of instant noodles, one box of crysanthemum and one passion fruit. Now, I am waiting for my supper. Wait…this is only for my dinner. I ate my food with my naked body in the kitchen. Weird…My mind is just not right. I missed an antipsychotic pill yesterday.

I banged the toilet wall with my fists and palms. They turned red. I digged my throat to vomit out my dinner.I failed despite the few previous successful attempts. I scratched my knee cut till it bled. My fingers were red with blood. I sprayed the bleeding cut with powerful stream of water. I fell down even when I was walking on a good surface. My mind was just not right.

I am tired. Every nights, I put myself to sleep with antipsychotic. Every mornings, I fight my dizziness resulted from the antipsychotic intake with coffee. Sometimes, I have diarrhea as my stomach doesn’t like coffee. However, I would rather suffer for the ten minutes in the toilet than to feel sleepy, demotivated for the whole day.

I guess I feel better after I expressed it out. If you are there to listen, thanks.

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