Have you ever felt annoyed by an unpleasant character? However, stop and think for a moment, it is not your problem, it is the culprit’s problem. Is it fair to torture yourself even though it is not your fault?
In our daily life, we tend to blur the line between our responsibilities and others’ responsibilities. When something goes wrong or when somebody is not cooperative, we tend to point our finger to others instead of staying calm and trying to manage the crisis.
For example, when an assignment group member doesn’t complete her part for thesis, we should not have a fire of argument or affliction in our heart.
Instead, we should recognize our area of responsibility well. Then, do our part well. Become a motivating, understanding assignment group member. The rest…let us lie it in the hand of God. We have done our best, so there should be no regrets.
Even if we fail the assignment, it can be attributed to the irresponsible member, not us. Therefore, don’t simply define yourself with any failures or problems. Focus on yourself. Think of what can you do and just do it. It is so simple.
When you blur the line of responsibility and tend to take over people’s responsibility in a not sensible way, you will get stressed. Besides, your interpersonal relationship with others will turn bad.How can that happen? Let’s see.
I fail to complete the task because she didn’t cooperate with me and provide me with the needed support. She screwed everything up. Not only she makes me fail, she embarrasses me in front of my friends. My failure shows my imperfection. It is my fault. I am useless. I hate her.
I fail the task, but it is not my total failure. Deep in my heart, I know there are other playing factors. I have done my part well and I am proud of myself. I should reward myself for the hard work. Although I fail, but the measurement of achievement is based on what I have learned and completed, but not in controlling people’s behavior. As I know, I have done my part in advising and motivating my partner.
As you can see, Person A is in a cycle of dissatisfaction-blame-selfdenial. He feels unsatisfied and tries to find a factor to blame for the dissatisfaction. The more he blames, the more he focus on the failure, the worst he feels, the more degraded he feels. His hatred towards others also grows.
For Person B, he doesn’t measure his self-worth with the standard set by others. He is clear that he has done his part and the failure is not due to his area of responsibilities. Besides, he focuses on what can be done and has been done, instead of what has not been done. In the event of crisis, he is always positive and supportive to others. He supports and encourages willingly as he knows this is his part of duty. He is forgiving to others.
However, the opposite can happen when we take too little responsibility whereby we become the irresponsible group member. This can happen when we are fear of responsibility and run from it. We should accept the fact that life is full of challenges. When we accept this rule of life, we tend to move along life easier. View the challenges as some decoration for your life.
No challenges, no growth. No darkness, no brightness. No failure, no success. No sadness, no happiness.
Strike for a good balance. Make yourself clear of your responsibility. Not too little, not too much, just like the right amount to spice up your life.
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